I remember when my husband and I split. I cleaned. When my daughter died, I cleaned. I’m not obsessive about the house; far from it. I tend more toward the slob end of housework.

So why is it that women, when something big happens in their lives, clean house?

Is this a rare phenomena, or is this common for women?

If this is a female thing, what do the guys do? Do they disappear into their shed and make something?

What is the psychological process involved?

Is it a “cleansing” act? I sometimes feel it is. Are we cleansing out the old, in order to allow in the new?

So many questions, so few answers.

I would be interested in other people’s feedback.

Madeleine

Wednesday, 16 April 2008

I was looking out my back garden this morning with my cigarette and cup of coffee, pondering the morning and the day. I was looking into what I could see of my next door neighbour’s garden. They have two small children, approximately 3 and 5 or thereabouts. They have the sail cloth that three other gardens I can see, have, they have a swing and slide set, and a trampoline. They have a trampoline that looks something like this:

 
I’ve  seen them before and a part of me understands the purpose of the enclosure, it keeps the kids safe, it means that mom doesn’t have to watch the kids or keep warning them to be careful, it means the kids can’t use the trampoline without an adult knowing they are using it. It also prevents trampoline companies from being sued for children’s injuries.

I’ve looked at one of the trampoline company’s safety instructions and got the giggles. Some of these things I had never even thought of doing. I wonder how many people had not heard these before so gave them ideas !!!! For instance: “Do not use the trampoline as a springboard to or from other objects.” What a kewl idea !! “Do not use the trampoline in wet or windy conditions” My son used to turn the hose on the trampoline to make it slippery because it made it more exciting.

What do children learn/achieve from jumping on an enclosed trampoline

• Physical exercise, always good in our techno times
• Play
• Confidence in their bodies skills and capabilities to a point
• Increase in motor skills, balance, and coordination to a point
• Skills learning with no danger of physical harm
• Improvement in breathing (don’t kids do that normally)
• Stress and tension reduction (hadn’t even thought of that one)
• They learn that the world is a dangerous place and we have to be protected all the time
• They learn that someone or something will protect us or stop us from taking risks
• They learn that any form of risk taking is dangerous
• They learn a sense of lack of control and lack of empowerment
• Big brother is responsible for what happens to me

What do children learn by using an unenclosed trampoline?

• How to be physically challenged
• How to protect themselves from injury
• How to take risks safely and cleverly to prevent pain
• I also suspect there are physical skills they don’t learn with the trampoline totally enclosed.
• That the world can be dangerous, but you can learn skills to make it less dangerous
• a sense of being empowered
• I am responsible for what happens to me

As a child, at the age of 6, I tried riding my older sister’s full sized bike. Now I was a small kid. I couldn’t reach the pedals if I used the seat. I was told I could ride the bike up and down the driveway but to not leave the yard. Being an adventurous little thing, I took the bike down the road. Really enjoyed myself until trying to manoeuvre back into the driveway, and fell into the ditch. I cut my head quite badly. However, my mother, instead of saying, get back on the bike, refused to let me have a bike - ever. Consequence: I can’t ride a bike, I’m scared to ride a bike.

Who’s scare was that initially? My mother’s.

Who’s scare is it now? Mine.

Who was responsible for my accident? I was.

Not my mother for not protecting me. Me!! I had boundaries. I crossed those boundaries and had the consequences. If I had been allowed to continue riding a bike, I would have learned that you can ride a bike safely. I would have learned the confidence in my own physical skills. I would have learned that I am physically a capable person. Instead I learned to be anxious about my physical capabilities and still have that anxiety to this day.

This is what we are doing to children – we are teaching them our own personal scares and anxieties. We are giving our anxieties to the next generation.

I found some forum on the net about trampolines and only one person seemed to see that childhood injury was normal.

“We have had a broken arm, stitches and a few grazes as a result of the trampoline... (6 kids) But the benefits out way this 100 times!  I think over all.. with supervision, and some basic rules... Let them be kids... the spills are part of learning how to live. We cant molly coddle them their whole life.”

http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=27606&page=3

Everyone else was talking about the horrific injuries that they had seen or someone else had seen. I find this sort of talk very interesting as no matter what we do, including driving our cars to work every day, walking around our house, we can find someone who has had a horrific injury. However, no one ever looks at the number of children who have jumped on trampolines and had nothing more than cuts, bumps and bruises and the occasional broken bone.

As someone else said on the same forum:

“I nearly broke my nose and also ended up with stitches in my chin from playing on my trampoline as a child... UNSUPERVISED.. Never had any problems when mum was outside watching us though.”

So what am I saying here. I am saying that protecting our children, overprotecting our children has nothing to do with the fears and anxieties of the children. They are the parent’s anxieties. I suspect that many parents feel the way I do, but fear social recriminations from other parents, they fear the title “unfit” parent, “uncaring” parent, or try to protect their children from any harm.”

I wonder if some of the adolescent risk taking done today, would be done if as children they had been given a small trampoline and learned to take their own risks, to get bumps, bruise, cuts and scratches and possibly even broken bones. Some children are more prone to risk taking than others. However, if you allow children to take responsibility for their own actions, isn’t that going to impact on how they are in society as adult? Doesn’t that make for more responsible adults?

Madeleine

Thursday, 13 March 2008

 Took the Ally dawg for a wander tonight while I was waiting for my pizza to cook.

We got to one spot in the park and I could hear the birds making a lot of noise. I was busily looking at and touching the flower.

So didn’t really notice until I finished taking my photos and realised that there were 3 magpies screeching at us. Ally was very quiet and subdued. Unlike her in the park, she was not sniffing around and checking out the park. She had her tail down and her ears down.

I started to photograph the birds and realised that one was just a young one and the parents were busily protecting their offspring.

I was allowed to go close enough to the baby to photograph, but I suspect if I had moved suddenly or done anything that looked dangerous, both parents would have attacked me.

As we moved away from where they were, I presume close to their nest, the noise died down, the dog became more animated and was quite happy.

Madeleine

Saturday, 8 March 2008

This is a great step forward, I guess.

If I had been given the opportunity, if I had know Susan would be born with Down’s Syndrome, would I have terminated the pregnancy. I don’t know. Quite likely.

I’m really having quite mixed feelings about this whole issue. I know for some people it is the opportunity to have the “perfect” child they want. I know that to have a child with a disability is a life long struggle. I suspect, that given a choice, I would have  said No to having Susan. And what would I have missed out on. Almost 20 years of struggle with getting services I needed, with finding money as a single parent, with the worry of knowing my child was never going to do some of the things other children were doing, of grieving for the child who is “different”. This is only a short list of the problems involved in living with a child with a disability.

However, what else would I have missed out on? I would have missed the innocence of a Susan. The incredible zest for life, even when she was very ill. I would have missed out on almost 20 years of memories. Almost 20 years of unconditional love. This list again, is a short list of the advantages of living with a Susan.

Which is more important? I don’t know. Living with a Susan for almost 20 has become part of who  I am today. I can’t imagine who I would have been without Susan.

Again, however, the cost to the community, particularly now that links are being made between the prevalence of Down’s Syndrome and Alzheimer’s Disease. Apparently 25% of people with Down’s Syndrome will develop Alzheimer’s Disease before they are 50, and by the time they are 70, 75% will develop Alzheimer’s Disease. These are much higher percentages than in the “normal” community. So for every child born with down’s syndrome, there are costs to the community, not only emotional terms but also in monetary terms.

So is this a good thing or a bad thing. I don’t know. I can see both sides of the fence. Each time I talk to someone who says they have had an abortion because their baby was likely to have Down’s Syndrome, I think I grieve a bit. I grieve for what the parents could be missing out on. I grieve for the fact that someone else didn’t want a Susan. Maybe if I stop thinking of all children with Down’s Syndrome as being a “Susan”, maybe I will fee differently. Maybe I won’t.

Another point is that we don’t know the purpose of genetic and chromosomal deformities in our evolution “damaged goods”. If we make everyone the same, if we remove all possibility of differences in our society, what are we doing to the evolution of the human race? I don’t know the answer to that question. No one really does. But whether you believe in evolution or religion, isn’t there a purpose for the “imperfect” in our world? Do we all have to have perfect teeth? Everyone have a high IQ? Does everyone have to be perfectly healthy? What are we doing to the world if we eradicate all these things?

Madeleine

Thursday, 20 March 2008