I enjoy my own company

 I was talking to a friend tonight and one of the things we discussed was the need, for some people, for time alone with themselves. I’ve had a number of clients over the years who present wanting to stop being shy, wanting to be more out going, more sociable. One of the comments I get when I say I live alone is: How can you? What do you do without anyone else in the house to talk to? It’s quite easy really. I don’t talk. Or I sing. Or I talk to the dog. Or I talk on the phone. Or I write. In fact, I enjoy my own company.

 Well it appears as if many people think there is something wrong with enjoying your own company. Something wrong with wanting to be alone. Not just quiet in a house with someone else there, but alone. Just the three of us: me, myself and I. Selfish. No, not selfish. I just like being alone. I have friends. I can have company whenever I want. But I like my own company. Many people don’t.

 There is a sense from the rest of the world, that we are supposed to want to be with other people all the time. That there is something wrong with the shy person. The person who is not constantly attending social functions. My work is thinking about a Karaoke night. Lots of people, lots of alcohol, lots of noise. Fun on occasion and for a short time. But I almost feel, in situations like that, that everyone is pretending madly to have fun, to be the party animal. Somehow it doesn’t feel real. Maybe that is just me. That I am pretending to have fun. Sometimes I am. Sometimes I really am enjoying myself.

When I go into a pub or club on a weekend night I often feel as if there are a lot of people who really don’t want to be there. Who are there only because they “should” be sociable, that this is what you are supposed to do. Get drunk, talk loud, shout at people, laugh at stupid jokes that are not really funny. Pretend to be something you’re not.

 For me, I prefer the quiet company of a couple of close friends, dinner at a nice restaurant. I do like dancing, but not in clubs. I like to read. I like to write. I like my dawg. I like to sit over a meal with a good friend and talk. There’s nothing wrong with me. I am just a solitary being, who actually enjoys her own company. Not many people in this world can say: “I enjoy my own company”. I think I’m one of the lucky ones.

 Madeleine

Friday, 28 October 2005

I met a man in the shops today

 I met a man in the shops today. He was waiting in line ahead of me at the checkout. I picked up a magazine to browse while waiting.

 He said: “It’s all gossip.”

 I replied: “Yup.”

 So we chatted for a while, I browsed my magazine. He was quite grumpy about the world.

 “No one really looks like that,” he said. “It’s all done with computers.”

 “And make-up,” I replied.

 I wonder what his problem was. He must have wondered about my groceries. They consisted of coke, chips, animal food, some tinned supplies, biscuits. Nothing really healthy. His trolley consisted of yoghurt, nuts and stuff like that.

 Wonder what his problem was? Seemed like a nice enough guy. Wonder what I was supposed to say to him? Was I supposed to put the magazine down and pretend I wasn’t interesting in the “gossip”? Was I supposed to agree with him that nothing is real and it’s all gossip or done with computers? Maybe he was just a lonely old man who wanted someone to talk to and found the only way he knew how.

 It’s all done with computers.

 Madeleine

Monday, 24 October 2005

 

 

A good day overall

Overall yesterday was a good day. Funny how some days one little thing can go wrong and the whole day feels like a disaster. Other days, lots of little things go wrong and the day still feels like a good day. Yesterday was one of the second (former, latter, never can remember which is the right one!).

I went out last night and when I came home my house was full of smoke !! I’d decided, sometime before I went out, that I wanted egg sandwiches for lunch the next day, and had put a couple of eggs onto boil. Guess who forgot she had put them on. House stank (still does), the pan will take days to get cleaned up and I’m thinking about throwing it out and buying a new one. I’ve got bits of egg all over the stove and we all know what my housekeeping capabilities are like.

So we shrug our shoulders and get on with things. Not a major drama.

Went to my bedroom and realised that one of my cats had been sick on my bed. Oh, Yuk!!! Oh, well. Shrug our shoulders and change the sheets (they are still on the floor in my bedroom), and head for bed.

I’m lying in bed watching TV (the ultimate in decadence as far as I’m concerned), and I think I hear a cat crying. Stop. Listen. No sound. The dawg starts to get restless. So up I get, find the dawg, and she’s sniffing at the spare bedroom door. Open it up, and there’s Harry de Cat. Well I don’t know how long he’s been in there. I know I was in there at the weekend, so it could have been since Sunday. Poor Harry de Cat. Doesn’t seem any the worse for his experience. I do wish, that when he is going to sneak into the room (or the shed) when I’m not looking that he would tell me.

Anyway, we had a sniff around the room and I’m sure there is a little present there for me somewhere. I can smell something. Oh, well, close the door. Will deal with it tomorrow.

Yesterday was a good day overall.

Madeleine Hicks

Wednesday, 19 October 2005

Getting old

I plan on growing old disgracefully.


I plan on growing old disgracefully.


I plan on growing old disgracefully.


I plan on growing old disgracefully.


I plan on growing old disgracefully.


Madeleine Hicks
Sunday, 11 September 2005

This is fun. You write some silly stuff and the next thing you know your friends are being just as silly.

Here's Ken's comments:






Thanks Ken.
Thursday 15 September 2005

WINTER IN CANADA

 

I was looking through my photos to remind myself of what it was like to grow up in Canada and the winters. Funnily enough, there are very few photos taken outside in winter.

 
Memories:

 I wear glasses and have since the age of 9. Glasses are much more sophisticated now than they were when I first started wearing them. Metal glasses. Blizzard. Not a good combination. I remember one blizzard, walking home from school (high school) and having to take my glasses off because they were burning my face. Problem is, what with poor vision and a blizzard, I couldn’t see where I was going, so my girlfriend had to lead me.

 Digging out paths. Must have happened, but I don’t remember this. I do remember the snow blowers. They would drive along the road and blow the snow into big mounds on the side of the road. Great places to play for kids. Problem was when the snow started to melt, kids would be playing in their snow cubbies and get buried.

 High school. Walking back and forth to school. Frost bite. Ouch!! So cold. One day, about grade 7, it was so cold my mother made me wear slacks to school. I got teased all day about wearing my pyjama bottoms to school. Total humiliation.

 Sometimes the snow drifts were bigger than me.

 Christmas day. My sister’s mini. Driving, I don’t know where. About age 19 (she would have been about 22). Another blizzard. The mini was so close to the ground it worked like a snow plough and just pushed the snow in front of it. We had to get out every few minutes to dig the car out of the snow. Would have been quicker to walk. But, hey. We were young. It was kind of fun.

 The boys throwing snowballs from the roof of a building near school. It wasn’t ladylike to throw snowballs. Girls were supposed to just scream and throw their hands up in the air.

 But also the incredible beauty of unsullied snow. Not that we saw much of it in the city, but drive out of the city, the sun shining. Skiing with my friends. Skating around the rink across the road from my school. On my 40^th birthday, I was living in Goulburn in NSW, and friends got together and gave me a snow holiday as a present. I could still ski. Even at 40, not having been on skis for 20 years, I was kicked out of the beginners class cause I was too good. Now how’s that for a pat on the back.

 

Madeleine Hicks

Monday, 17 October 2005