Well, well, well. I’ve not been online, blogging for a while now. I picked up the flu and a cold which knocked me out for better than a week. Then I realised that if I was going to do anything for my birthday, that I only had a week to organise. So I cleaned and polished and invited. Saturday night came along and so did people. I reckon there were about 20 people there, a number of blogstreamers who will remain unnamed for my own protection. We had a lovely evening, lots of good food.

 So thank you all my friends who came to my house, wished me a happy birthday. Thanks to those who helped me celebrate my 60^th birthday. We had lots of tucker, everyone brought something and one of the women, in particular, took over in the kitchen and kept me organised. And it was needed. cause I reckon someone must have slipped some speed into my tucker cause it took me until 3 a.m. to wind down. I’ve never taken speed, but I think that’s what it must feel like. My whole system felt like it was on overdrive all night long.

 

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Monday was back to work as usual. When I walked in the door, the whole crew had come to work early, had put up Happy Birthday streamers, balloons (some which caused a giggle), and generally tarted up the old place, just for me.

 

The gang at work didn’t know that I have never had a kid’s birthday party. My first birthday party was when I turned 21, and my friends and I organised it. So for me this was very special. We had all the kid food you could think of: fairy bread, cupcakes, chocolate crackles, jelly with snakes in it, little boys with tomato sauce (ketchup to those non Aussies who are reading this), party pies, and sausage rolls,  we had hats and balloons and played pass the parcel. Our chairperson even came to help me celebrate.

They even decorated my chair and we all had lolly bags.

It’s just as well I brought a 2 Litre bottle of coke, cause it was needed.

 

After we’d eaten our fill of junk food, out came the most glorious ice cream cake I’ve ever had. I won’t tell you the trouble we had cutting it.

During lunch we had a visit from Spud – the puppy guide dog to be (my bosses granddog).

Spud was a bit hard to catch with the camera but I finally got him. Ain’t he a cutie

Later in the afternoon, we had a courier arrive, rather cute he was (I didn’t take his photo). He had a box of 24 long stemmed roses in a box with some chocolates, some Givenchy perfume,  a rose sachet and some rose oil. The courier was joking that they were from him and he deserved a hug and a kiss. So I gave him a hug. Don’t know what he made of this strange woman hugging him, but I don’t think he minded too much. He hugged back and what a nice hug he gave.

This was also a first for me. I have never had anyone send me 24 long stemmed roses.

 

So I am now officially 60 years old. Thanks to everyone for making it perfect. I don’t know really how to say thank you to all these people and I guess this is my thanks.

 Madeleine
Monday, 31 July 2006

Wikepedia says: “An intervention is an orchestrated attempt by one, or often many, people (usually family and friends) to get someone to seek professional help with an addiction or some kind of traumatic event or crisis.”
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intervention_%28counseling%29)

I find this an interesting concept. I have seen it portrayed on television where “friends” “lovingly” challenge some behaviour of a friend /family member they don’t like. I find the whole concept quite disgusting. How dare people decide that I have a problem! How dare people decide that I need to do something about my problem! I guess it all fits into the concept of others taking responsibility for my actions. So if I hurt myself, I can sue someone because I am not responsible for my own actions.

Using humiliation and shame to change someone else’s behaviour is not going to work in the long run. The idea of other people knowing what is good for me, is also not going to work in the long run. What will happen is that the individual may do what the “loving” family/friends want, but will it work in the long run. I doubt it. For true change to occur, an individual has to have some positive outcome for themselves. If you are making psychological changes for other people, I don’t believe they will be permanent changes.

I also see it as bullying behaviour. I will force you, by humiliation and shame, to behave the way I want you to behave. I will make you, by aggression, into the person I want you to be. So who are you to say how I should be?

In the episode on Boston Legal last night, a father decided that his granddaughter was at risk because he believed that his daughter was using drugs. He had no proof except that she was borrowing money in certain quantities. He sent a colleague to check up on her. He then went to see her, went into her bathroom and through her medicine cabinet, and found stuff which proved to him that she was using. I don’t believe that using deceitful tactics is showing love to someone.

What he didn’t notice was that his daughter was working, the granddaughter was well taken care of, the house was clean and tidy, the child attended school regularly etc etc. To me, yes, she was using drugs, but she appeared to be using them in a fairly harmless way. Who was this man to make these decisions about her life? Who was this man to tell her that she wasn’t a good mother?

Then we read: “Any behavior that involves bad habits or inappropriate behavior can be resolved through a family intervention. “(http://www.interventionguide.com/)

Wow!! So if you decide that my behaviour is inappropriate, you can get everyone together, sit me down, with no prior knowledge, and tell me, in front of all my family and friends what’s wrong with me. Wow!!

So who decides what is inappropriate behaviour? I find that really interesting because from my experience what someone considers inappropriate behaviour in their family, others find quite appropriate. Basically what we have is so-called “loving” people trying to control the behaviour of their friends and relatives and trying to force them into behaviour that the family/friends deem to be appropriate.

Many of the site I read say that interventions are 92% effective and that the addict goes into treatment. Yup. I bet they do. But how long does this last. What about the family members who are enabling the drug user? Who intervenes with them? Their behaviour is part of the problem. Often it is the family background that has set this person on the drug route. So how then does the family get off telling this person that their behaviour is inappropriate.

I find the whole concept incredible, controlling, and very much in the style of today’s world, which is about conforming at all costs, about people not taking responsibility for their own actions. And yes, probably the family is worried about the individual, about their health. But hey, who amongst us doesn’t do behaviour that is dangerous in some way. Who amongst us has the right to say that someone’s behaviour was “inappropriate”? Interesting that if it is so effective, why don’t they use it with child sexual abusers? Why not use it with criminals?

Madeleine

Tuesday, 11 July 2006

Couldn't resist. Been playing tonight. Tonight we got fish.



Madeleine
Saturday 8 July 2006

I’m sure there is something wrong with the way my mind works. I seem to get these crazy ideas that no one else seems to get. Today I scanned a chocolate biscuit. Why? To see if I could. See what I mean. What a crazy thing to do. The funny thing is, they often work. Check this out. Of course, I took a bite out of it before I scanned it.

Madeleine

Thursday, 6 July 2006

STRANGER DANGER

 There has just been a horrific murder/rape of an 8 year old girl here in Perth. It has been all over the news, and each client I see who  is a mother, has brought it up in our sessions.

 Tonight they had a psychologist on television, giving, what I believe is some good advice. He talks about the “helicopter” parent, the one who hovers around their child, trying to protect them from every, any and all possible dangers in the world. He talks about the psychological and physical problems that occur from this type of parenting. I agree. However, he ended his talk telling people that they need to teach their children about “stranger danger”, and old concept that I fought with my daughter.

 I call this irresponsible reporting.

 I get really angry because strangers are not generally the problem. Yes, occasionally they are. When they are, we hear about it all over the news with this type of irresponsible reporting. What they don’t mention is the amount of abuse that happens to children within their own families.

 I believe that one of the reasons for this irresponsible reporting is that most people who watch the news don’t want to hear about this sort of thing happening in families. It rocks their boats too much, can come too close to home for many people, and is not “good” news. “Good” news, is the news people want to hear, whether it is true or not.

 “Eighty-five to 90% of sexual abuse happens with a person known to the child (Russell).” http://www.safechild.org/abuse.htm. Parents are, as a result,  teaching their children to watch for the problem where it is less likely to occur and to ignore the problem where it is most likely to occur. Tonight on the news, we had two stories about child sexual abuse from strangers. Tonight, a lot more children will be sexually molested, not by strangers, but by people they love and trust.

 Madeleine

Wednesday, 5 July 2006