I
found out last weekend that an old colleague had finally succumbed to cancer.
She was battling bowel cancer the first time I met her and she beat it. On my
very first proper job as a social worker, I was sent to Mary’s agency to help parents with parenting
problems. Mary and I hit it off immediately. We
thought alike. She was my boss and the co-ordinator of the agency where I was
working. She was a fair boss. Told you when you did something wrong and then
let it go.
Mary was an ex-social trainer. These are
the people who help people with disabilities learn new skills. With her
background and my daughter, Susan having Downs Syndrome, we had a lot in common and a lot
of similar beliefs.
One
day, at lunch, we were sitting outside in the sun, chatting. I was telling Mary about a program that my daughter
belonged to as a baby – an early intervention program. I enjoyed the social
contact, being able to see all Susan’s therapists in one spot, we all had a lovely morning
once a week. I said that one of my dreams was to have a similar group for
parents of kids with disabilities to get together on a weekly basis. I wanted
the kids to have their therapy during this group and the mothers to have a
social occasion time, where they could talk to each other, use their black
humour that most people didn’t understand, a cuppa coffee and information
sharing.
Over
time, Mary and I got our group organised and in
May 1995 the first SKIPS (Special Kids Integrated Support
Group) began. Over the next few years, the group ran on a weekly basis, run by Mary and myself. We worked well together.
We brought different experiences and different talents to the group. When we
needed someone to type up submissions, I got on the computer and we
brainstormed them together. Mary was computer illiterate and I loved showing off. I
remember sitting there at the computer, she’s dictating and I’m deliberately
staring at her while my fingers are typing as fast as she is talking. I
remember the look of astonishment on her face the first time I did it.
I
can also remember Mary’s way of passing the buck. She was
very good at delegating. I remember her saying to me “Madeleine, you are so good at ……………..” and
suddenly I had that job. That became a standing joke between us.
Over
the years, the group was nominated for a number of awards. Mary and I both enjoyed running the group,
the women in the group and the whole success of our concept. It did not turn
out like my initial dream – nothing every does. But I was proud of the work
that Mary and I did over those years.
During
our years together, Mary had another flare up of cancer. This
time breast cancer. Black humour came to her support again and she regaled the
group with stories of losing her prosthesis in the bed and her darling
husband’s response to it.
Mary eventually retired from the agency
and from the group. I won’t go into detail. That was a very trying time in both
our lives. I ran the group for a couple of years on my own and then moved on.
Over the last few years, Mary and I lost touch. I heard last
weekend that she had finally succumbed to cancer and died.
I
regret a bit losing contact. But I do know that our time together was over and
we were moving in different directions. I felt I needed to write this article.
I needed to say my own farewells to Mary. To remember our times together. To
think about the past. And then to move on.
Madeleine
Friday,
23 June 2006
