Scary Thought

 We were talking at work the other day about retirement. Don’t know how the topic came up. I think it was something to do with the weekend not being long enough for me. Too many things I want to do; not enough time on the weekends. So I said that I would like to retire, wouldn’t it be nice to win lotto and be able to work less hours.

 Suddenly I realised that in less than 5 years (not sure what the age is now here is Aussieland), I would be of retiring age. Bugger!!!! Now that’s a scary thought. My last birthday (59) I found quite hard. One more year and I would be 60, and 60 is OLD !! Does that mean I’m getting old? I don’t feel old. People say I don’t behave old. I am beginning to look old but that’s okay – never been particularly into looks. I know I won’t have any problems with retirement, got too many interests.

 I’ve written about getting old, with humour. Why is the thought of getting old suddenly a scary thought. I can see the humour and the fun in getting old. I have no worries about suddenly losing interest in life because there is nothing left. I can’t see me changing all that much. My sense of humour is still intact and will always be there for me. I will always be interested in things and in learning new things.

 Is it the thought of no longer being a productive member of society? I come from a family of workers. However, being female, a profession was not in my history. Looking after kids, husband and home was my lot. So being female, I was never considered a productive member of society anyway. Can’t be that.

 Why is this thought suddenly so scary? Is this something most people my age go through? Questions, questions, questions. Too many questions and not enough answers.

 What are my role models for retirement? My mother never worked. My father died before he was old enough to retire. My paternal grandfather worked until he was about 78 and had a stroke (or something like that) within a few years. My paternal grandmother never worked. My ex-mother-in-law sat at home, watched her soapies and waited for her kids and grandkids to come and visit. Damn. Don’t tell me that old woman is still having an impact on me.

 Is it the thought of my own death? Could be that. I know of an old lady who is over 100 and still so scared to die that although she is sick of life, will not let go. Is that the future for me?

 Oh, well. We will continue to plod along. Take one day at a time, and see what happens. Been doing pretty much that for 59 years now, so I guess that’s as good a strategy as any.

 Madeleine

Saturday, 5 November 2005

Clean

 I’ve just been watching another “clean” commercial on television. I can’t believe what Australians will do to keep everything in their house, not only clean, but disinfected. In Australia, we can disinfect:

• Our dishes
• Our floors
• Our teeth
• Our tongue
• Our animals
• Our clothes
• Our insides
• Sinks and basins

 No wonder Aussies worry about getting sick. They clean so many germs out of their houses and bodies that we don’t have any of the healthy germs.

 Now we have Baygon that kills cockroaches AND disinfects where they’ve been.

 Here’s an ad

“Non-toxic, chemical free treatment will eliminate and kill: Bacteria, Viruses, Air borne patogens and Chemical contaminants. Sanitising your property when you buy/rent before you move in, or after sickness, we will disinfect it, do not breath others "air" we sanitise mattresses, carpet and others from dust mites, all household odour and pets odour control, when buying a car-do not inhale old drivers bacteria - we will sanitise it and disinfect it, for allergy free sollution, 100%efective, safe and healthy indoor environment”

http://tinyurl.com/ca7d7

 I mean what more could you want. So there you go, you can sanitise your second hand car so you don’t get someone else’s germs. We can disinfect our rubbish bins for goodness sake..

 Now here’s a thought. Kissing. My goodness. Maybe there is a kissing disinfectant to use before you kiss someone.

 You can clean your tongue. I mean let’s get real here folks.

 An ad on television: Metamucil cleans your insides. So who said my insides were dirty!!!

“xxx is a unique detox program that has been designed to give your insides a spring clean……. Works Like an Intestinal Broom!” Wow, an intestinal broom. Just what I need!!!

 We are raising a generation of children who are going to be terrified of getting dirty and of germs. Kids who are going to end up with obsessive-compulsive disorders. Anxiety. People who won’t come to my house for fear of catching something. No wonder children spend so much time indoors nowadays. If they go outside to play, they might catch a germ.

 That’s my rant for today. That one’s been a long time coming.

 Madeleine

Tuesday, 1 November 2005

I enjoy my own company

 I was talking to a friend tonight and one of the things we discussed was the need, for some people, for time alone with themselves. I’ve had a number of clients over the years who present wanting to stop being shy, wanting to be more out going, more sociable. One of the comments I get when I say I live alone is: How can you? What do you do without anyone else in the house to talk to? It’s quite easy really. I don’t talk. Or I sing. Or I talk to the dog. Or I talk on the phone. Or I write. In fact, I enjoy my own company.

 Well it appears as if many people think there is something wrong with enjoying your own company. Something wrong with wanting to be alone. Not just quiet in a house with someone else there, but alone. Just the three of us: me, myself and I. Selfish. No, not selfish. I just like being alone. I have friends. I can have company whenever I want. But I like my own company. Many people don’t.

 There is a sense from the rest of the world, that we are supposed to want to be with other people all the time. That there is something wrong with the shy person. The person who is not constantly attending social functions. My work is thinking about a Karaoke night. Lots of people, lots of alcohol, lots of noise. Fun on occasion and for a short time. But I almost feel, in situations like that, that everyone is pretending madly to have fun, to be the party animal. Somehow it doesn’t feel real. Maybe that is just me. That I am pretending to have fun. Sometimes I am. Sometimes I really am enjoying myself.

When I go into a pub or club on a weekend night I often feel as if there are a lot of people who really don’t want to be there. Who are there only because they “should” be sociable, that this is what you are supposed to do. Get drunk, talk loud, shout at people, laugh at stupid jokes that are not really funny. Pretend to be something you’re not.

 For me, I prefer the quiet company of a couple of close friends, dinner at a nice restaurant. I do like dancing, but not in clubs. I like to read. I like to write. I like my dawg. I like to sit over a meal with a good friend and talk. There’s nothing wrong with me. I am just a solitary being, who actually enjoys her own company. Not many people in this world can say: “I enjoy my own company”. I think I’m one of the lucky ones.

 Madeleine

Friday, 28 October 2005

I met a man in the shops today

 I met a man in the shops today. He was waiting in line ahead of me at the checkout. I picked up a magazine to browse while waiting.

 He said: “It’s all gossip.”

 I replied: “Yup.”

 So we chatted for a while, I browsed my magazine. He was quite grumpy about the world.

 “No one really looks like that,” he said. “It’s all done with computers.”

 “And make-up,” I replied.

 I wonder what his problem was. He must have wondered about my groceries. They consisted of coke, chips, animal food, some tinned supplies, biscuits. Nothing really healthy. His trolley consisted of yoghurt, nuts and stuff like that.

 Wonder what his problem was? Seemed like a nice enough guy. Wonder what I was supposed to say to him? Was I supposed to put the magazine down and pretend I wasn’t interesting in the “gossip”? Was I supposed to agree with him that nothing is real and it’s all gossip or done with computers? Maybe he was just a lonely old man who wanted someone to talk to and found the only way he knew how.

 It’s all done with computers.

 Madeleine

Monday, 24 October 2005

A good day overall

Overall yesterday was a good day. Funny how some days one little thing can go wrong and the whole day feels like a disaster. Other days, lots of little things go wrong and the day still feels like a good day. Yesterday was one of the second (former, latter, never can remember which is the right one!).

I went out last night and when I came home my house was full of smoke !! I’d decided, sometime before I went out, that I wanted egg sandwiches for lunch the next day, and had put a couple of eggs onto boil. Guess who forgot she had put them on. House stank (still does), the pan will take days to get cleaned up and I’m thinking about throwing it out and buying a new one. I’ve got bits of egg all over the stove and we all know what my housekeeping capabilities are like.

So we shrug our shoulders and get on with things. Not a major drama.

Went to my bedroom and realised that one of my cats had been sick on my bed. Oh, Yuk!!! Oh, well. Shrug our shoulders and change the sheets (they are still on the floor in my bedroom), and head for bed.

I’m lying in bed watching TV (the ultimate in decadence as far as I’m concerned), and I think I hear a cat crying. Stop. Listen. No sound. The dawg starts to get restless. So up I get, find the dawg, and she’s sniffing at the spare bedroom door. Open it up, and there’s Harry de Cat. Well I don’t know how long he’s been in there. I know I was in there at the weekend, so it could have been since Sunday. Poor Harry de Cat. Doesn’t seem any the worse for his experience. I do wish, that when he is going to sneak into the room (or the shed) when I’m not looking that he would tell me.

Anyway, we had a sniff around the room and I’m sure there is a little present there for me somewhere. I can smell something. Oh, well, close the door. Will deal with it tomorrow.

Yesterday was a good day overall.

Madeleine Hicks

Wednesday, 19 October 2005