I am sick. Not sick enough to stay home from work. Just sick enough to feel a bit miserable. Not really miserable, just a bit miserable.

So what do I do? I live alone. I still have to feed myself and the animals. I go to the shop. I buy $4 worth of trashy novels. That’s eight books, so we are talking really cheap. But are they as trashy as they sound? Who knows. If they are a good read, who cares?

Then to the grocery shop. Chocolate, coke, ice cream, vitamins, bread, food for the animals. I think we are set for the weekend. Now, the plan is this: I will go to bed with my trashy novels, ice cream and coke. I will sleep when I need to. Hey, I can even watch trashy daytime television if I want. There is something to be said for living alone. I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself. There is something to be said for being a little bit sick. I think this is called “enjoying ill health”.

Now the fun bit is the planning. I will go to work tomorrow and do what I have to do there. After work, I go home. I check that my supplies are all easily available. I grab the cats and cuddle up in bed with my doona, ice cream, coke and trashy novels. With any luck, it might even rain. Now that brings up a nice mental picture. Warm bed, trashy novels, rain on the roof, the cats in bed with me. All nice and toasty warm. This where I discover just how trashy my novels are.

Maybe by Monday I will be ready to get up.

©Rosymosie
29 July 2004

1 Comments on Blogger
Mark said...
I have a sore leg. Not *really* sore in that I don't need to go to the doctor, and I *could* have gone to work today but didn't...

For some strange reason that makes me happy. There are dishes in the sink, so I think I'll watch a DVD. There are clothes on the line, so I'll potter around with my laptop. The floor needs a sweep - I feel like another coffee!

Something about letting yourself feel at least a little bit miserable, eh? A sense of empowerment - no need to feel guilty about all the things that I *should* be doing. Lets concentrate on the important things in life...

Seems my leg is already feeling that little bit better, think I'll go climbing on Thursday ;)
April 04, 2005 12:06 PM

I was talking to someone today. She was complaining about the aggression in society today, road rage, how the teenagers of today don’t have the proper respect. She was saying that things were better when she was a child. Simpler. People had respect for other people. As we talked about it, I became aware of some of my own thoughts on this issue.

Are things better or worse in today’s society? We have anger and violence. We see it on television, our commercials, the news. We have people who rape and murder children. We have soldiers who abuse their prisoners. We have depression and other forms of mental illness. We have no proper place for people with mental illnesses so they sleep on the streets. Our children run away from home because they can’t live with their parents.

Is our society better or worse now than say 40 years ago??

I am 58 years old. When I was young, girls got raped and it was their fault. I can remember being told, never win against a boy. They have very fragile egos and men don’t like competitive women. Is this better or worse than today when a woman can expect to be herself with a man? Women were beaten by their husbands. Wives threw the frying pan and knocked out their husbands. Fathers, grandfathers, mothers and aunts sexually molested their children. Paedophiles existed in the same quantities as today. Wars have always been. They are different now. Are they better or worse?

Every home in western society now has a television, washing machine, refrigerator, electricity, running water and flush toilets. Most homes have cars, driers, computers, mobile phones and the internet. Those who don’t are the exception rather than the rule.

Is our society better or worse today than 40 years ago? I could not have left my husband 40 years ago and supported two children (one with a disability) without the support of the pensions. I could not have attended university as a 40 year old single mother. Men were expected to find a job and stay in it for the rest of their life.

Is our society better or worse today than 40 years ago? As a child, we could run the streets without the worries of so many cars. Our parents did not worry about unfenced drains/dams or swimming pools. We took our chances. Our parents did not worry about sexual predators. They were not discussed, especially with children. Our lives seemed freer and less fraught with danger. Is it better or worse that the children didn’t know about sexual predators, wars and violence outside the home?

Is our society better or worse today than 40 years ago? Parents now worry about dangers for their children running the street. They drive their children to school. Children are more anxious, more aware of violence in the world. They see and hear wars and violence every day on television, radio and the internet. Is it better or worse that children are reminded of the sexual predators, wars and violence outside the home? Is it better or worse that children are aware of the violence within the home?

Is our society better or worse today than 40 years ago? I love the freedom of my car. I love the fact that I can be married or in a relationship with a man and still keep my job. I can remember the time when women were fired the minute they got married. I love my computer and the internet. I have access to so much information, so many new people from so many different countries, with so many new ideas, thoughts and views. I love the fact that I can wear jeans to work and be considered to be appropriately dressed. I can remember the fights my sister and mother had about what women should and should not wear when going into town. I love the fact that I don’t have to wear make up. I even love the fact that it is difficult to tell fact from fiction because there is so much information available.

Is our society better or worse today than 40 years ago? I don’t know. My thoughts are, the world is not better or worse than it was 40 years ago. It is just different. If we can see the positives in our world. Notice that most people do still respect each other. Most people are doing the best they can with what they have. Our world is still a pretty good place to be. Not better. Not worse. Just different.

©Rosymosie
Friday, 6 August 2004

COMMENTS Posted on Blogger Kaz said...
I love your style of writing - the way you ask a question and then answer it. It makes the reader start to think as well. I think that communication being the way it is now, that things are just reported now that weren't back then, which has its good and bad points. Maybe it is good for people to be more aware of what happens in the community but I think the media can go too far. Some of what we see on TV, we don't necessarily have to see and a lot of it is sensationalism. I really enjoyed your view and hope you do more writing.
March 27, 2005 6:38 PM

Rosymosie said...
Thanks Kaz. My first blog and my first comment. How kewl is that??
Rosymosie
March 27, 2005 8:03 PM

Madeleine Hicks
Saturday, 8 October 2005

I loved reading about Ally and in particular getting her peemail when you are out!! That gave me a giggle. I have a 13-½ year old Silky Terrier dog called Misty. I can’t believe how the years have flown since I got her as an 8-week-old pup. Like your Ally, Misty loves me unconditionally and we are very attached to each other!

Misty is one of those dogs who loooooves balls and has at least 10 around the house. She doesn’t chase them as much now but still can’t be without one, even to the point of taking at least two of them to bed with her (she sleeps with me!). When she was younger I couldn’t hang the washing out without having to stop every couple of minutes to throw the ball.

Misty has never liked the car very much but is now resigned to the fact that every now and again she has to go in one. She has her own doggy seat belt, which goes through the front passenger belt, and she sits beside me but can’t go any further. She has never been a dog to go for walks either. I think we are both afraid of bigger dogs because Misty isn’t all that big!!

Misty is happy as long as she is with me. When I’m home she is two steps behind me. If I’m on the computer she lays on the special mat my neighbours bought for her (it has paw prints on it!!) and if I’m sitting in my lounge chair, she sits at the end of it, on the footrest. That’s her spot!!

I notice she is getting a bit stiffer now but you wouldn’t think she is an old dog. She doesn’t look it and greets me like a two year old when I get home. She certainly has the spirit of a two year old!! She is my special friend; my little dog and I love her to bits!!

1 June 1992 (Monday)

When we did the mock interviews during our social work course we were told about the beginning, middle and end of an interview. How to get the process started, how to terminate and how the middle phase works.

What we were not told, was how it felt from the client's point of view. How extremely important it is for the client to relax in the beginning phase of an interview/session, and just how VERY important it is to bring the client back to the present in a state where they are fit to face the world. We were never told the strength of some of the emotions and feelings produced; how difficult it often is to discuss these emotions with someone who can be virtually a stranger; and how difficult it can be to suddenly push these feelings aside enough to allow yourself to continue with everyday activities.

These endings we were told about were from the counsellor's point of view - preparing for next week, any 'homework' you wanted the 'client' to do etc. But nothing about ensuring the 'client' was in a fit state to return to and function in the world outside the counselling session.

Nor was it stressed enough just how important is everything a counsellor says and does - not only how you dress and sit, but the words, facial expression, whether you are chewing on your fingers etc etc. Even if you don't realise it, the 'client' is very aware of all these things, even if only at a subliminal level. How unsure a 'client' can feel if you (the interviewer) start chewing on your nails and looking worried because of a stray thought, or of being unsure of where to take the interview next; how potentially scary sometimes a sudden movement can be, if a person is talking about frightening happenings as a child; or the impact the wrong word can have.

They never told us how terrifying it can be to be a 'client', to talk to this person about things we may have never told anyone else in our lives, things we may never even have had the nerve to think about before now. To realise that this person knows more about you than probably anyone else in the whole world.

How can you be empathic to someone you feel is resisting you, if you have never experienced the feeling of not wanting to talk about something, not wanting to say these things, but knowing somewhere deep inside you really have to if you are going to get past this point/problem in your life. How much more difficult it must be for someone who did not ask for this counselling.

What about the person who comes to see you with a problem, and then realises they are being asked to talk about events or topics which have always been taboo - maybe have never even know they existed. Of course you resist. You want to be convinced - convinced it really IS necessary to delve into these subjects; that it is safe to do so; that your hesitation and anxiety is natural; that you can trust this person.

This is almost an unconscious resistance. Resistance which is brought about because one part of your mind is saying "get out, go away, I don't want to think about this, I can't" and "I don't want to talk about this".

The other thing we were never told was that what happens in that room, does not finish at the end of an hour. It may finish for the counsellor - they write their notes, they report to their supervisor, they make plans for the next session and go home and deal with their own problems. The 'client' takes the session home with them. They take home all the anxieties, fears and emotions which were raised during that hour. They spend the next week/fortnight processing, thinking, worrying. Sometimes they feel that life is getting on top of them, that they have no space to think about these matters which are so important to them. They become angry with children, partners and workmates who interrupt and make other demands.

One issue raised in a counselling session could bring up other ideas, thoughts, fears, worries, anxieties - but you still have to function out there, behave like you normally do, and usually pretend that nothing is happening. If you are lucky, there is someone else you can turn to and talk to. But often the issues raised in counselling are difficult to talk about to any but those closest to you and sometimes even that is impossible. You feel as if you want to be left alone; to have time to think about what has happened. But the demands on your time and energy don't stop simply because you are receiving counselling.

Everything we learned was from the counselling point of view - how to do it, not what it felt like from the other point of view.

I am not saying that this is everyone's experience, but I know it is not just my experience. I feel it is important that social work students who are likely to become counsellors have some knowledge of what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

And how deep down some of this resistance comes from. The physical reactions which often happen after counselling.

"Resistance is an unavoidable process in every effective treatment, for that part of the personality that has an interest in the survival of the pathology actively protests each time therapy come close to inducing a successful change" (Redl, 1966, p216 cited in Egan The skilled helper p.145) sounds very nice - but what about resistance which is brought about by sheer terror of what the mind is hiding, what the 'personality' is terrified of. Is this an interest in the survival of the pathology, if it was, why does the person continue with the counselling. Statements like this are far too simplistic to describe 'resistance' in counselling. What about the person who is trying to resolve issues of abuse as a child. They resist, not because they wish the 'pathology' to continue but because the things they are being asked to think about are terrifying, they come to counselling because they wish the 'pathology' not to survive.

I have read some stuff on resistance in 'clients' and none of it fits me. Am I so different, or is the information I am reading from a technical point of view, from someone who is theorising without having the experience.

*******************************************************************

This is an article I wrote in 1992 in regards to issues that arose from my Social Work studies. We had a few pretend counselling sessions during my studies and when I was almost finished my studies I began personal counselling. These are some of the thoughts I came up with about the difference between being a counsellor and being counselled.

Having now worked as a counsellor now for 13 years, I still feel they are valid and accurate. I meet up with counsellors regularly who have what I call the “us and them” syndrome – we are the good guys cause we are the counsellors; you are the bad guys cause you are the clients.

I guess I understand better now what writers like Egan were saying, but the difference between the theoretical point of view and the personal point of view is just so different. The client does not consciously want the “pathology” to continue, but the alternative is just too huge to deal with. None of the writer talk about the client’s perspective and what it is like on the other side of the fence. And I guess I think this is probably an important omission in this field of writing.

Friday, 7 October 2005